i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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