Even water is tasting like jack daniels
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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