Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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