worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
