I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
