All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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