At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
