can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
