Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
