Do you still have your period?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
