I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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