I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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