do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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