"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
