im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The adults are the big ones right?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
