Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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