I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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