Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
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You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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