Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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