Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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