so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
