Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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