omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
