i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
