No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
