I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
