This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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