you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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