For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
