You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
