Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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