I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
