I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
