i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
