I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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