We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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