shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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