I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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