I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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