The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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