Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think people are normalizing furries
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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