he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
