I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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