I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
