so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
