I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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