when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
