I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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