i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
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It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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