Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
