we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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