Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
