she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
