dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
