I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
