im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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