i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
