If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
