I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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