this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
