dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
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Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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