he shaved USA in his pubs
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
