My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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