I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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