I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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