It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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