oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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