I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
