Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
