I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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